there is holiness here

for a long time, there was no fear
of being turned away in a place with this

light. I feel only anger at this point, holding
my binder up to the light to check if you

can see my heart through it. check if the coast
is clear and clean. clean enough for church

with my mom. tried to tell her once
and she decided to forget. tried to make something

out of my own skull but all I found up there was
cobwebs bright and many. the thinking that
happens at this hour is not meant for church or
for my mom or for anybody who knows

exactly who they are and always has. tell me to
prove it. there is nobody in this world who thinks i could

prove it. my skin has ached since I was born but i can’t
prove it. I ask them where they found their knowing they say

prove it. show us you don’t know. my mom
was the first one who made sure I knew I couldn’t
prove it. I have tried and tried again to no end.

someday I will find the real person I am looking to

prove it to but I can’t wait until I become them and there
are no other options in this light. it’s so hard to make peace

when the war lives inside of you. i can see through
every binder every church dress every heart i’ve ever proved it to.