The Absence of Oranges & Bathing in the Dark
Bethany Cutkomp
The Absence of Oranges
By the time I remembered the mandarins wrapped in red mesh, they’d already turned over for the
worst. You scoffed at my memory and tossed the bundle from the produce drawer. Cradling each
fruit in cupped palms, I turned over their zombie rinds and pierced my thumb through rotting
flesh. Was I forgetting more frequently or could citrus sense a shift within the kitchen? Perhaps
they mourned sections we no longer split to share. Choosing to cease such a gentle routine
bruised our bond, rotting the sweet taste of each other’s names in our mouths. As you
complained about the window sill herbs wilting from thirst and the bills forgotten to be paid, I
kept my gaze focused on the fridge empty of fruit. Despite our own decay, I planned on
purchasing more bundles to tuck in the fridge, wishing one day I’d remember before they
spoiled, wishing one day you’d ask for a slice with upturned palms.
Bathing in the Dark
Scalp, shoulders, breast, and belly—
after midnight, I lather a love letter
to myself with tactile exploration.
The lights are off and my eyes
are closed. I am merely water
hitting skin, textured with bristle
and blemish, replenished with
moisture and gentle warmth.
I stretch out the ache of today’s
labor, snaking fingers through
a head of tangles. I thank parts
of me that often go unnoticed,
traits that reflect negatively to
the eye in mirrored light. This
is my body, a sculpture of life
explored with its own palms.
Thighs, knees, calves, feet—
I rinse and breathe in the post
shower steam. Internal ghosts
of judgment slip into the vents,
unreachable to a shapeless void.
Wrapping myself with words of
comfort, I step out of the wet tub
and fumble for the light switch.
Bethany Cutkomp is a writer from St. Louis, Missouri. One day, she hopes to write YA novels and befriend the opossums under her porch. Her work appears or will appear in Mag 20/20, Worm Moon Archive, Crab Apple Literary, Split Rock Review, oranges journal, tiny wren lit, and more. You can find her on social media at @bdcutkomp.